Sunday, April 5, 2009

This is What it is to be Held

I was in my car driving down the highway mentally blocking all the pain of the last two weeks. The death of my baby is not an easy thing to recover from. Just a week before I had delivered our precious infant, my husband and I buried him the next day, a couple days later I had to say goodbye to my sweetheart, I was no longer sleeping at night, and I had gotten myself into a car accident. The mental block was necessary for sanity. I couldn't afford to live in the reality that my life was completely falling apart. I flipped on the radio to keep myself awake and tuned into a station I rarely listen to. Next thing I know, soft piano music was playing and the voice of Natalie Grant began to sing.

Two months is too little they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued what has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it is to be held.

Is that just one set of footprints in the sand I see?


Anonymous said...

I am truly sorry to hear about every thing you are going through. I will pray for you. Trust in the Lord and over time he will heal your heart.

Elizabeth said...

Dear Brittney ... I think there's one set of footprints; He's DEFINITELY carrying you, dear friend. Hold onto Him. Love and prayers from one of those "all over the world" ...

Anna B. said...

Oh Brittney!! Praying for you!!!

Leah said...

*Big hugs*

Anne Carr said...

I don't remember the order of clicks that led me to your blog, but I read it now, and my heart aches for you. Praise God that we truly can "be held" when everything in our life crashes down around us. Stand strong in what you know is true and cling to the marvelous hope we find in our Lord Jesus Christ. And no matter what, never give up. :)

Kate said...

Brittney, I hear the sorrow and pain in your voice. My heart aches for you and I'm praying for you.

Don't forget to smile.

Love you girl,


Sheri said...

Brittney, I just read your blog about your precious baby, your husband in Iraq, etc... My dear sister in the Lord, I'm praying for you. I'm praying for Andrew. I am praying that you would be "held" by our Heavenly Father, knowing that He loves you so very, very much... I'm praying.

Shannon said...

I hope you don't mind, I came across a note you left at Bring the Rain. I chose to visit you because we have something in common...our Glory Babies.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember the pain I felt after such a short time after. It's been five months now, and the pain doesn't go away. It only decreases when you're not thinking about it, but you're always thinking about it. But eventually you get to a point where you can remember the happiness, the joy of that precious Little One.

I heard a song on the day I found out my baby had gone home. Jeremy Camp's "There Will Be a Day". I cling to that song and the promise it reminds me of, that there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears...there will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face.

Someday we'll see our precious little ones, in a place where there will never be any pain ever again. Just keep holding on to Him and He'll see you through.