Monday, April 6, 2009

Our Joy in Sorrow

When tragedy comes into our lives, there is so much we can not understand. The Why's? go unanswered and sometimes it feels as though the tears will know no end. Yet even in the darkest valley, there is one thing we can be assured of...

The presence of an unfailing Father.

Even though I will never understand why we had to experience this loss and I will never find a reason in this that was worth the life of my baby, I can not doubt the love of God. From the moment the nurse sat down next to me and told me that she's sorry, but my baby died, I experienced the hand of God working like I had never known.

I could give you a million examples. But the one that stands out to me the most is how Andy got to come home. Initially his request to come home was turned down. Our situation would generally be considered a "medical condition" as opposed to a "loss in the family". Naturally we both felt it keenly as the latter... Our baby was not a medical condition! Yet what could we do to convince anyone of that? But then the leadership in his unit bent over backwards... in an amazing way. They knew it was important for him to go home. I am so grateful for the incredible amount of effort and inconvenience they went through to see one of their soldiers go home to his wife in a time of grief. I know they didn't have to do that, it was only because of the care and concern that they felt for us that they did everything in their power to make it possible. And they did indeed make it possible... Andy came home for over 5 very special days.


Kristy said...

I came across your blog after reading your comment on Bring the Rain. I hope you don't mind me stopping by. I am so sorry for your loss - and having your husband gone now while you need him so much, must add pain on top of pain.

My husband is in the Coast Guard, and we have been married for many years now, but it seems like only yesterday that we were where you are. We wanted a baby so badly, and after over a year of trying, we finally got pregnant - and were beyond thrilled. Sadly, that baby was growing in my fallopian tube, not my uterus. I was rushed to the hospital after having excrutiating pain, and was told the news, and had to have surgery to remove the baby. What followed for me was my darkest year. I did not know the Lord yet, and was in a deep depression.

I have since come to know Him, and also have 3 children in the years that followed. It took me so long to come to terms that it was God's plan for me, and I tried to look for good to come from it.

The only good that I see clearly is that I can better relate to women who know the pain of losing a pregnancy/baby - when it is one thing they want the most in the whole world.

I am praying for you.

Kate said...

That is so special that Andy was able to come home. I'm glad that you were able to grieve TOGETHER.

Holly said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Yesterday was 5 years since we found out that our 3rd baby had passed before being born. She was with us for 17 weeks. We had heard her heart beat and I can't imagine anyone calling that loss a "medical condition". I am so glad that your husband was able to come home for a few days!

Natasha Angela said...

What a blessing that Andy was able to get leave during this time of pain. How hard this must be... I am still praying for you.
♥ Love and prayers. ♥

Tonya said...


Out of all the comments on 4/7 on Bring The Rain, for some reason my eyes fell on yours. I clicked on your name just as my oldest came out to ask me to come lay with her (I was up in the middle of the night). I have just now gotten back to your blog.

I do have two living girls (9 & 6) but I experienced a stillbirth in Nov. 2008 with our beatiful baby boy. I am SO sorry for your loss. I tried to read some on your blog but couldn't find an exact post about details - not that I really need them... You lost your baby. Your heart is beyond broken. You and your husband are grieving too many miles away from one another. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm gathering from what I read that your loss was very recent. Please stop by my blog and leave a comment or email me if you ever need someone to "chat" with. I've never felt as alone in my life as I did after losing Grady. No one understands. People don't know what to say and make poor attempts to make us feel better.

I've rambled and didn't mean to. Just know that I'm here and I'm praying...


Anonymous said...


Thinking and praying for you!


I like the new blog look!!

Shannon said...

I am very glad to hear you are listening to the song. I heard it for the first time on the day I found out about my daughter's passing. I downloaded it onto my mp3 player and took it to the hospital with me. It was the ONLY comfort I had for a very long time, and listening to it was the only way I could get any sleep.

This is a pain no mother should ever have to feel, but if any mother is going to feel this pain, it's good she feels the pain while having a faith in God. I can't imagine how mothers who have no such beliefs cope.

In my heart and my prayers,

Josiah and Abi Wissmann said...

What a BLESSING! How very SPECIAL!!