Engaged and Starry-Eyed

THE evening of my LIFE. We have that oh-my-goodness-we're-going-to-get-married-yay-yay-yay look in our eyes, wouldn't you say? SO happy to be in love. And the promise of a lifetime together was a thrill I still haven't gotten over.

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Figuring out how many guests we would have...

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The glint of that stone still catches my eye and still makes my heart skip a beat.

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Wedding details..... ahhh!

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Pretty much inseperable.

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On our way to a friend's wedding dance. LOVE the Class-A's.

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Engagement photo's

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The photo that wound up in our invitations

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Nothing makes the you're-getting-married-for-real reality strike like wedding invitations to your own wedding do.

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Family shot (excluding Mom) with Andy's family and awesome Grandma. LOVE her!

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Trying on the wedding dress is another good way to prove to yourself that you are actually getting married, and that the love of your life isn't just a wonderful dream you're having.

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We were painting the deck...

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Until Andy decided to paint me. Dark brown.

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I tried to return the favor. Wasn't as effective.

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"You raise me up.... I am strong when I am on your shoulders....." Sorry. That was tacky.

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We were pretty excited about getting married...

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Madly in love.

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So happy about the fact that dreams really do come true.

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And some fairy tales.... are actually real.

Romance

"Romance is the deepest thing in life.
It is deeper even than reality."

--G.K. Chesterton

Dating Days

Nothing so sweet as going back in time to memories made when love was so new and fresh and unexplored. Falling in love with my Andrew was an amazing experience. Truth be told, he tripped me and made me fall hard. And boy, he does not cut it out! He makes me fall flat on my face every day, and I'm so twitterpated I love every minute of it. Which is good. It makes marriage so wonderful... Keeps that love feeling so fresh and new and the more we explore of it, the more we discover we have a lifetime of it yet to explore! It's a grand thing to be married to that boy.

Our first picture together. You should've seen the comments on facebook when this appeared as my profile picture the following day.

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Hanging out before he had one of his drill weekends... I always thought he looked so handsome in his ACU's. Of course, that wasn't the only thing that attracted me to him, in case you're wondering.

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Back when the thought of bearing his name was a thought that seemed too good to be true. A novel idea for somewhere in the remote future, I tell you. And, as you can see, I liked it. A lot.

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Doing what he does best; and that would be.... teasing me. He hasn't changed either.

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On top of the world. And I really loved being close to him. I still do.

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Everything he did made me smile. Crazy love.

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A romantic evening by the lake...

Because Morning Sickness Was So Wonderful

"Oh! Girls..." I sighed, in all my randomness, dramatically clutching my heart in the middle of a conversation-over-coffee in my sister's living room with girlfriends; "I so wish I was feeling morning sickness right now!"

Raising their eyebrows at this sudden change of subject and a look of slight concern for the deranged woman in their midst, they all began to declare with pensive sarcasm how they wished they were having bladder infections, and how a really good back ache would so hit the spot, and that transition right now would feel awesome.

I admit. That sounded a little weird. Especially for someone like me to say that. I'm the one who, all my life, would have chosen any ailment of any sort for any length of time over nausea if she could. Vomiting was the ultimate form of misery and torture that one's body could be afflicted with as far as I was concerned. In fact, I still am thusly concerned, come to think of it.

Yet now here I am keenly feeling an exception to the rule. How can I put it? There's a certain nausea that... Well. Don't laugh at me... But I honest-to-goodness miss it.

Pregnancy has its stages. The positive pregnancy test which leads to the wonderful morning sickness which leads to the porcelain bowl in the bathroom that has that nifty little lever which comes in very handy for removing certain contents which we will not speak of. And then come all the fun things like hearing the heartbeat, and getting a cute little tummy, and feeling the baby move, and getting backaches, and new bras, and let us not forget to mention the pregnant and hormonal card you get to pull....

You count the weeks...
You think of names...
You have a baby.

All in the course of forty weeks, give or take.

The allotted nine months since our baby was conceived have now come and gone. I didn't get to go through all the stages like I was so eager to. I never got to hear our baby's heartbeat, or feel our baby move. I never got to wear the maternity clothes I bought, which also means I don't even have a stretch mark to show for it.... no backache, no braxton hicks, no transition... No baby.

All I got to have was that incredible love I felt from the moment that second line appeared on the test.

And morning sickness.

I miss it. I honestly miss morning sickness. I miss feeling the presence of my baby, even if it had to be by waves of nausea. I miss knowing his little heart was beating under mine even while I was groping for the package of saltines before I dared to open my eyes up in the morning. I miss the sacrifices I got to make to be his mommy.

I so wish I was feeling that morning sickness, because I really, really miss my little baby.

**Photo taken at 12 weeks,
and a few hours before I found out that our little baby was with Jesus.